Priya Parker’s “The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters” is essential reading for leaders, managers, and event organizers who want to transform mundane meetings, uninspired all-hands, and routine hackathons into purposeful, engaging experiences that drive meaningful outcomes and foster genuine connections in the workplace.
Premise
Parker argues that most of our gatherings are uninspired. We spend our lives gathering in stale, stereotypical, and even actively unhelpful ways.
She argues that determining its unique purpose is the most critical decision in creating a transformative gathering. She proposes that we bring back the human factor to our gatherings, focus on distinctiveness, and make more meaningful connections and experiences.
This goes beyond generic reasons like “to celebrate” or “to discuss”—it’s about identifying a specific, thoughtful purpose that addresses a real human need.
Parker’s writing style weaves personal anecdotes with practical advice. The book’s structure, divided into chapters that follow the chronological stages of gathering, makes it easy to follow and implement.
My thoughts
In the last few years, as I’ve been more actively engaged in creating and participating in a few communities, I’ve often wondered what made some of them successful and others not so successful.
Why, even among the thriving communities, their success always seemed to be more of an accident than a result of a deliberate strategy.
Reading “The Art of Gathering” lifted that veil. I found myself nodding in agreement quite a bit. And I thought of some of the past groups I’ve hosted, realizing how often I’d fallen into the trap of focusing on logistics more than purpose.
Parker’s insights resonated especially strongly when I thought about neurodivergent communities.
Gatherings for neurodivergent folks can unintentionally focus on conformity or “fitting in” rather than celebrating unique perspectives and needs. Traditional social events may not account for sensory sensitivities, communication preferences, or how neurodivergent people process information and interact.
By applying Parker’s principles, we can create more inclusive and meaningful events that honor neurodiversity. For example, we could design quieter gatherings, offer multiple modes of participation, or structure activities that play to various cognitive strengths.
Key Takeaways
Purpose is prime: Always start by defining the unique purpose of your gathering. This shapes every decision that follows and helps create a meaningful experience. For example, instead of hosting a generic “catch-up dinner,” you might frame it as “an evening to celebrate our friendships and create new shared memories.”
Who’s invited matters: Be intentional and selective about your guest list based on your gathering’s purpose. Sometimes, not inviting certain people can make an event more successful. For instance, when planning a work brainstorming session, consider inviting only those directly involved in the project to maintain focus and encourage open discussion.
Create a temporary alternative world: Design your gathering to transport attendees away from the everyday. This could involve choosing an unexpected venue, setting ground rules that differ from social norms, or creating a themed environment. For a fun book club meeting, you might transform your living room to match the setting of the book being discussed.
Don’t be a chill host: Take charge of your gathering. Guide your guests, set expectations, and be willing to intervene when necessary to keep the event aligned with its purpose. This might mean gently redirecting conversation that goes off-topic or encouraging quieter participants to share their thoughts.
Open strong, close with purpose: Pay special attention to how you begin and end your gathering. A strong opening sets the tone and gets everyone engaged, while a purposeful closing helps cement the experience and its impact.
