You've been told to "be yourself" since childhood. Find your authentic self. Align your outer actions with your inner truth.
One problem: When you look inside, you won't find one fixed 'true self' waiting to be discovered.
What you find instead are layers of conditioning. Past experiences. Unconscious programming. External expectations. A collection of traits and patterns that shift based on where you are and who you're with.
Peel these away and you won't discover the "real you"—you'll just find more layers. Each shaped by your experiences and contexts.
This realization hits neurodivergent people especially hard. We already struggle with fitting in. We mask to appear "normal," then feel guilty for being inauthentic. We can't win.
But here's the freedom you've been searching for: Authenticity isn't about uncovering some fixed inner identity. It's about consciously creating who you want to become.
The Authenticity Trap
The "true self" model of authenticity dominates our culture. Find your passion. Follow your heart. Be true to yourself.
This perspective assumes there's a consistent, knowable "real you" hiding beneath social pressures and expectations (Harter, 2002). Your job is simply to discover and express it.
Research has moved way beyond this outdated model. The most compelling science now shows authenticity works in several ways:
- You feel different levels of 'authentic' in different situations
- What feels 'real' changes based on context
- You can be authentic while strategically choosing which parts of yourself to express
Your brain isn't simply revealing some hidden authentic self when you introspect. It's actively building a story about who you are right now, in this context, in real-time. Your brain creates your sense of self rather than discovers (Raichle, 2015).
Why the "True Self" Model Fails Neurodivergent People
For neurodivergent folks—those with ADHD, autism, or other neurological differences—the pressure to find and express a "true self" creates impossible contradictions.
When you mask to fit social situations, are you being inauthentic? When you stim or hyperfocus or speak bluntly, are you being authentic? What about when these behaviors change depending on who you're with?
Research on masking in autism shows it carries real psychological costs (Hull et al., 2019). But the solution isn't to stop adapting to different contexts—it's to change how we think about authenticity entirely.
Authenticity as Conscious Self-Creation
Here's a more liberating view: authenticity means being congruent with your evolving self-image.
Instead of trying to uncover a mythical "true self," focus on intentionally crafting who you want to become. This aligns with what philosophers call an existentialist perspective—authenticity comes from taking responsibility for creating yourself, not discovering yourself (Guignon, 2004).
The most authentic person isn't burdened by past conditioning or external expectations. They consciously choose which aspects of themselves to develop and express in different contexts.
Yes, some personality traits stay somewhat stable over time. But how you express these traits changes drastically depending on context. This is why the most authentic people aren't trapped by consistency—they adapt their self-expression strategically while staying aligned with their values.
How to Practice Intentional Authenticity
1. Separate conditioning from choice
Ask yourself: "Am I doing this because I was trained to? Because others expect it? Or because I've chosen it?"
When you catch yourself on autopilot, pause. This awareness creates space for intentional choice.
2. Identify your values, not your "true nature"
Instead of asking "Who am I really?" ask "What matters to me?"
Values provide direction without demanding a fixed identity. They're compass points, not destinations.
As Acceptance and Commitment Therapy suggests, values are chosen life directions that guide your behavior even when feelings and thoughts pull you elsewhere (Harris, 2008).
3. Rethink masking as strategic adaptation
For neurodivergent people, masking is often framed as inauthentic people-pleasing. But what if we reframed it as strategic self-expression?
The key difference: Are you adapting unconsciously out of shame, or consciously based on what serves your values?
When you choose which aspects of yourself to express in different contexts—not because society demands it but because you've decided what serves you best—that's authentic strategic adaptation.
4. Create your possible selves
Psychologists Markus and Nurius (1986) proposed that we maintain multiple "possible selves"—images of who we might become, both hoped-for and feared.
Instead of seeking your one true self, intentionally develop multiple authentic expressions of yourself that serve different contexts and goals.
Temple Grandin, renowned animal scientist and autism advocate, didn't reject adaptation to neurotypical norms entirely. She consciously developed her unique visual thinking strengths while strategically adapting her communication style depending on context.
As she famously said: "I am different, not less." Her authenticity came not from rejecting adaptation but from consciously choosing which adaptations served her purpose.
For those with ADHD, this dynamic view of authenticity brings massive relief. Research shows ADHD brains naturally create more varied self-expressions across different contexts. What feels 'authentic' in one setting might feel completely wrong in another. This isn't being fake—it's your brain working exactly as it should, adapting to each unique situation.
Freedom From the Authenticity Burden
The "be yourself" mandate creates a paradox: the harder you try to find and express your "true self," the more trapped you feel.
But when you recognize that your "self" is something you actively create rather than passively discover, authenticity becomes an ongoing practice rather than an impossible standard.
This perspective is especially liberating for neurodivergent people. You're not choosing between masking and authenticity. You're consciously crafting who you want to be across different contexts.
Not finding yourself. Not fitting in. But intentionally creating yourself.
Who do you want to be today?
References
Gergen, K. J. (1991). The saturated self: Dilemmas of identity in contemporary life. Basic Books.
Guignon, C. (2004). On being authentic. Routledge.
Harris, R. (2008). The happiness trap: How to stop struggling and start living. Shambhala Publications.
Harter, S. (2002). Authenticity. In C. R. Snyder & S. J. Lopez (Eds.), Handbook of positive psychology (pp. 382–394). Oxford University Press.
Hull, L., Petrides, K. V., Allison, C., Smith, P., Baron-Cohen, S., Lai, M.-C., & Mandy, W. (2017). “Putting on My Best Normal”: Social Camouflaging in Adults with Autism Spectrum Conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(8), 2519–2534. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-017-3166-5
Markus, H., & Nurius, P. (1986). Possible selves. American Psychologist, 41(9), 954–969. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.41.9.954
Raichle, M. E. (2015). The brain’s default mode network. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 38, 433–447. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-neuro-071013-014030