It’s 2016 and my CTO pulls me aside and says, “George, I love you, but you piss people off. You have to do something about that!”
We just came out of a meeting where I told our Director of QA, "I can’t see how your new process serves any purpose other than to cover your ass!”
Even though I was correct, my remark had instantly derailed the meeting—there was little chance of accomplishing anything productive once those words left my lips.
Being direct at work feels like a superpower—until it backfires!
Many leaders I worked with over the years were proud of "telling it like it is," only to discover their straightforward style was damaging relationships and blocking their effectiveness.
Direct communication seems like the fastest path forward when you’re focused on efficiency and results. You see a problem, you point it out, you propose a solution. Simple, right? But this approach often triggers defensive reactions, damages trust, and makes others less likely to support your ideas—even when you're right.
What if I told you that you don't have to choose between being authentic and being effective?
The secret isn't about being less direct—it's about leading with curiosity before jumping to conclusions. This small shift can transform how others receive your message.
Here's what this might look like in practice:
Instead of: “This team is struggling with decision-making and is constantly behind schedule. We need to fix it immediately!”
Try: “I noticed we're running behind. What’s getting in our way?”
Instead of: “Your presentation was too long and lost everyone's attention.”
Try: “I’m curious about your thoughts on how the presentation landed with the audience?”
A leader once told me how his team used to view him as difficult to work with despite his best intentions. By shifting from telling to asking, he transformed his relationships. His team began bringing him problems earlier, seeking his input more often, and implementing changes more effectively.
Often, people already know there’s a problem, and in many situations, they have more context than you.
By starting with curiosity, you gather valuable information you might have missed. People feel heard and respected instead of attacked and are more open to your perspective. Good solutions emerge through collaboration rather than command and control.
Starting with curiosity leads to:
You can keep your direct style while making it more effective. The key is leading with curiosity. You're not softening your message—you're making it more powerful by engaging others in the solution.